1. Your lawyer wears an electronic ankle bracelet.
2. He needs his GPS device to find the court house.
3. The only bar exam he ever passed required a $10 cover charge.
4. He buys litigation backers one at a time.
5. He thinks that legal briefs are a form of underwear only worn by judges and lawyers.
6. He listed himself as the primary beneficiary of your living trust. (And he holds your health care proxy in his name.)
7. He rents his office space by the week.
8. He prepares you for settlement negotiations by asking you if you brought your K-Y Jelly.
9. He sometimes resides in county facilities after work hours, and his cell phone there can't make outgoing calls.
10. He prepares you for your deposition by asking you who's going to be doing the talking.
11. He thinks that cross examinations are something that priests do before mass.
12. He plea bargains your traffic ticket into a felony conviction.
13. He thinks a Subpoena is some sort of an Italian hoagey.
14. When he receives a Discovery notice, he turns on the Discovery Channel to see what's playing.
15. He thinks the Statute of Limitations is a major tourist attraction in New York Harbor.